2 0 1 7

2 0 1 7 was the year I rediscovered how to dream. 

When I was 7 years old, I climbed to the top of my treehouse in the nearby forest and dreamed of what my future would look like. In those days, I wanted to leave Crestwood, KY behind forever. I wanted to move to Thailand, Peru, Egypt — anywhere.

I dreamed of marrying someone who looked at me like there were sunbeams shooting out of the ends of my hair. I dreamed of living an extraordinary, passionate, wild, full life. When I was 7, I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write about things that made people feel. At one point, I wanted to live in a van with my dog and travel out west. My heart was wild and untamed and primitive and I had the world at my feet.

Years passed, and I abandoned most of these ambitions. People told me I couldn't be a writer; it wasn't a secure job and hard to make a career out of it. People laughed when I told them I wanted to live in a van and explore Utah and Wyoming and Colorado and Montana; they asked me, "How will you make any money doing that?" They told me not to dream hard about my future husband; they said that love is only a feeling and complacency eventually manifests into any relationship. They were skeptical and cynical and full of doubt. They told me to think rationally. 

Yet here I am,11 years later, with so many of the same dreams. Jesus has taught me to dream the impossible, and He is slowly fulfilling those dreams in ways I can not even begin to fathom. Jesus does not think rationally or logically. Maybe my life at 18 doesn't look like the life I dreamed about at 7. But God has provided in His infinite way, and my life is more full and free than I ever could've hoped. His promises are true!

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At the beginning of 2017, with shaky hands and a shaky voice, I whispered "yes" to Jesus. He took that half-hearted obedience and allowed me to experience true life this year. I'll never be the same. One whole trip around the sun and my timid "yes" has become a roar. Yes, Jesus! Yes to all of Your promises! Yes to this life that You have for me! Yes to surrendering every for Your sake! Yes to dying to self! Jesus, You are worth everything. 

When I reflect on the past year, I'm surprised by how much I've changed. Yet—in many regards—I feel more like myself than ever before. The purpose and satisfaction and fulfillment I have experienced this year has changed my life forever. 

A spectacular 2017. Even after a full year of learning and growth, there is only one thing I can say with any certainty: 

He's it. J E S U S. He's the answer to our generation's cry. He's the only thing that can satisfy. He's the only answer to life. Man... HE'S IT!!! 

My response to a love like this? 

I told Him that I'd go.

Now I'm completely ruined for the ordinary. 

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Walking into this next year more alive than I've ever been. Thank you Jesus for this life.

May 2018 be filled with even more of Your goodness and grace.