I Release You (Into the Universe)

Forgiving you hurts more

than holding onto the bitterness.

Nobody tells you that it'll hurt.

Forgiveness feels like surrendering nostalgia,

feels more permanent and sad than trying to forget.

I dig deep and try to find excuses for what you did —

but grief makes compromise feel a lot like losing.

It's been years now and I still can't look you in the eyes,

but in the choking silence of my car,

I tell the universe that I release you.

The words fall through the stale air until they settle into dust.

I release you.

You were never mine to begin with,

but I release you.

You hurt me when I was too young to know better,

but I release you.

You moved on way before I ever could,

but I release you.

I give you up and the universe swallows you whole.

I'm struck by the bittersweet revelation that

I might never see you again.

But I wish for you a beautiful, full life.

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